You're my little dorito
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
