There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
