Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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