How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
