Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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