Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
