dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
