Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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