my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come share oat with me in your robe
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
