i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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