sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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