If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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