oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize