tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
