You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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