Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
