It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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