If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
