I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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