awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
