We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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