wrigley field is MILF paradise
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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