I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
