you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
