Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
as a side note pls kill me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
