why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
