You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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