Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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