I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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