you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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