if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
