Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
