So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
