one word: firstdatebathroomanal
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
