if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
