he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
