You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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