How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
