If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
