I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
