i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
