After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
