Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
