Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
