Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
