whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
