...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
