I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
