Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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