Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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