so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
