I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
