god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
