There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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