OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
