No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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