I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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