It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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