Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
