Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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