I'm really into asian looking animals
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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