Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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