I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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