shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
